No.

Sensitive?

Yes, I know.

But unfair.

No. Not...

Antagonistic!

Accurate.

Horrid--

True.

Awful

you.

No words.

Pretense.

All

IS NOT

WELL!!

Please...

just...
Go to hell.

Dictator

STOMP

STOMP

STOMP

STOMP

hurt

hurt

hurt

hurt

DO

consequence

ACTION

reaction

You may not like me.

In fact, I'm sure

you don't.

You hate that I have

feelings.

You hate that I

can think.

So I'll just keep my

mouth shut.

I'll bide my time.

But remember this name.
And wait for the day
that my fame
puts you to shame.

For Maren Jay

Dear Maren,

good girl.

Don't you know

just who your are?

One of God's

most precious stars!

Though "Unimportant"

you may say,

You have, unknowingly,

paved a way.

Your care, your love,

has made a path.

You're guiding others

with your laugh.

Your light that shines

so clear and bright...

You've cared for us

with all your might.

You've given up

most everything

for the people

and the things

that you hold dear.

So you've grown wings!

So much is said

in a smile alone.

I've found a friend.

I've found a home.

Your goodness gave

all this to me.

You need to know:

You have helped me.

You're leading with

your smiling face.

Your warmth, your love,

your smile, your grace.

You are special.

At least to me.

And, as long as I'm living,

special you'll be.

(Dedicated to Maren Jay Wilson)

I'm Allowed to Dream

Mischeif.

A pretty face.

Disruption.

The Best Friend.

Goofball.

Is this all

that I am

worth?

But no.

I have

SO MUCH MORE

to offer!

I can dream

and I can soar.

I can surpass

your limits.

I am not

the best,

but how would you

even know?

You won't even give me

the chance

to show you.

This world's

too small for me.

Tell Yourself

She's no longer here,

but she's not really gone.

We'll see her again.

Right now, the

sky just needs

his friend.

He just needs her

for now.

Someone else,

so far away,

needs her more

than we do.

She's left for a while.

But she'll be back.

In fact, we'll

go to her.

You'll meet her with tears

and smiles.

But for now,

it's alright to miss her.

Just know that it's not

good bye.

(In Loving Memory of Leuzi Cardoso)

Good Bye

Sometimes good bye is pleasant.

We wish for it to come.

Peace is all that follows.

And then we're just... done.

Sometimes good bye...

It makes me cry.

Sometimes there's no good by

at all.

And that is when

I kneel again.

I pray to change

the end.

(In Loving Memory of Leuzi Cardoso)

Hurricanes Inside

I must be strong.

Torrents of rain

fall around others.

They are amid storms.

I am the sun.

The rainbow.

I've seen the clouds.

I've made my own rain,

but now some light

arrives.

My storm-- it rests.

Other homes

flood.

Full to the brim,

drenched with tears,

but I remain

dry.

Once others leave,

and I'm alone,

I return to safety.

My own island of

tranquility.

My personal rain forest.

For it has seen the rain.

And now, I make some more.

(In Loving Memory of Leuzi Cardoso)

Exactly

Life is good.

The grass is green.

Things are exactly

as they ought to be.

Not much to say.

It's going my way.

Life

is

Good.

Labels

I've never met her.

Never said a word

to 'girls like her' before.

But I know her.

Know everything about her.

I know her like she

doesn't even know herself.

And she's wrong.

I'm right.

I'm better than her.

Go ahead,

just try

to deny it.

But actually don't.

Cuz I'm just right.

Pieces

Have,

I do,

some parts to me.

First:

The part

that loves

to be.

Living is

partly

Loved

by me.

And then,

the part

that Loves

to see.

The world

is viewed

appreciatively.

And I

appreciate.

When thus,

the world

reciprocates.

And living,

again,

is all the more

loved.

But, finally,

the part with weight:

All is not so sweet.

Bitter times

make their appearance,

and I've been

introduced.

A heavy heart.

Life's whips

do smart.

And others,

unknowingly,

help it along.

Their words are thrown

like balls of snow.

Unthinking,

fun,

and aimless.

But razor cold

lies within.

When it hits,

it stings.

No one meant these things.

But pieces of me

can feel

some pain.

Convincing Myself

(I just need to say something about this to the people who will know exactly what it's about when they read it. This is not new information. This stuff was just on my mind, because I didn't feel like I had said exactly what I needed to about it. This is "The Final Word" about him. This is exactly what needed to be said, and now I feel so much better.)

May I please

love him?

May the other

please

just go away?

Why am I so

stuck?

Why do I always

return?

What about you

is so alluring?

What is it that

attracts me?

And why don't you

believe me?

You've made mistakes, too,

haven't you?

We've hurt each other

equally.

But I've allowed you

to believe

that it is all

me.

We're not good together.

Let's just stay

away.

Let go of me.

I want

him

now.

Go.

Alone

The loneliest

feeling

is when you're

surrounded

by people

who hate you.
Alone with myself?
No.

Alone

with many.

The Worst in Me

All the time,

I write about the trivial.

I write because I want to write,

Not 'cause what I'm saying matters.

But this is real.

My feelings right now

Frigid, and deep.

I know what I know.

I make a fool of myself

Time and again

Trying to explain

Or to understand

Things that don't matter.

I see that now.

I couldn't before.

There was too much fluff on my heart.

I've cleared it away.

The trivial is gone.

I know what really matters.

I am loved.

I love.

Love-- That's what matters.

I feel anger and hatred,

And know it's ok.

It's necessary, even good.

Negativity

Brings a release

Of sorts.

And then you return to love.

And then you feel much lighter.

But real.

Not like you could float away.

Still grounded, but free.

Deep, but unconcerned.

This is the lesson I've learned.

While I'm Here

While this life

is difficult,

while my face

is missing a smile,

May I feel

blessed with love

more and more

each mile.

While I'm in need of comfort...

My Turn

It's My Turn

to rise above.

I'll try now

to be a little better.

I guess

it's My Turn now.

I need to be

a little bit happier,

just a tad less rude,

and have a few more

smiles to share.

Lose my attitude.

It's my turn

to care more

about everyone

who's a part of me.

I need to be a friend.

So many are in need.

This life is only

temporary,

but while it lasts,

let me LOVE.

Let me share

love like that

which comes from above.

It's time to go:

I'm on my own,

now.

It's time to leave.

Walking alone,

now.

I'm ready to be

more.

I am alone.

I'm on my own,

no one is here.

I'm not thinking clear.

I'll try

not to cry.

I've got to learn

to depend

on myself.

Trust the person

about whom I

know every

fault.

Every flaw.

Every lie told.

Every wound not healed...

This is not

what I want.

I'm scared, now.

Life came too fast.

I'm not ready.

Battle with Love

Give me love

or

give me life.

Why should we

have to choose?

In the end,

life immitates

all that we love.

Because life,

itself,

is a labor

of love.

Why can't you

love all that's

in your life?

Like the Wind

Whispers

soft and cool

leaves and paper

breeze

Howls

cold and harsh

roofs and garbage cans

wind

Screams

hot and humid

cars and homes

hurricane

Love.

Sadness.

Anger.

The Rearview

Why?

Why don't I

appreciate

until I'm looking

in hind sight?

Why don't I

get it right,

now?

Please, help me!

Show me how!

How good

I've got it

in this moment.

Show me how.

Please.

Let me know

how freely

the blessings

flow

from Heaven

to here.

Before I'm looking

in my rearview mirror.

NEW COLOR

He's not blue.

He's brown.

I'm not green.

I'm beige.

And beige isn't bad.

The little one

is blue.

A very light shade.

A cloudy sky.

I'm blank,

a canvas.

A muddy ground:

brown.

A pretty sky:

blue.

A sunset:

add pink.

A flower bed:

add purple.

A patch of grass:

Green.

My Love

colors me.

Stupid Head

So what

if I don't

meet your

standard?

I don't

think

I ever will.

'Cause you

don't want me to.

You're obnoxious!

High and mighty...

Self-sufficient...

I think I really

hate you.

The Way it's S'posed to be

HOPE

is the

word

that's in

my head.

And on

my heart.

YOU

are the

one I

ususally

return to.

But

guess what!

It's fixed.

You will always

mean much.

You and I

will always be

You and I.

But love

can change.

And as

capacity

increases,

others fill

the crevice

you left behind.

Love

does not always

require

intensity.

And right now,

I hopefully

adore you.

But let's just

leave that

at that.

I've finally

got my eye

on someone

different.

On occasion

you still

creep into

my dreams.

But you leave

my HOPE alone.

I'm seeing more.

Possibility,

it rests with me.

One, two, three.

You won't be.

They

stay

with

me

and my

HOPE.

But don't leave.

We're still happy.

Right now,

we just get

to be silly.

Now that I can see.

And clearly.

Why I'm-a Changin

I was home

with you.

Your arms:

warm,

comforting.

You invited me in.

I couldn't resist.

I put my feet up,

sat by the fire,

enjoyed the view...

But you broke it.

The house

became a monster.

It self-consumed.

It killed itself.

Our love is

suicide.

And you're just

worth too much

in the end.

So, I'll just

toss you aside,

and cry.

Silly Girl

Stop worrying

about him.

Stop thinking

about what

you can do

to make things

right

with him.

He's not even

important.

Just get home.

HOME-

I'm coming.

I'm working

so hard!

My efforts

feel wasted.

Am I even

making a difference?

Should I trudge on?

Who would it help?

Silly question.

I know.

I'm helping myself.

When I'm lifting others,

He will lift me.

Leave...

I'm

a coward.

I want you

to leave.

But I don't want

to make you go.

It's my fault that

my heart is breaking.

You're too dumb

to get out

yourself.

You need a little

help.

Well then.

Let me

show you the door.

Just...

wait..

for...

a little bit...

more...

Untitled #2

Hurt.

I am.

Thank you.

You don't know.

Of course you don't.

I should have known.

You're confused.

But you won't talk.

You don't want me

to help.

Please.

Leave.

I'll be alright

without you.

But do you

even care??

Relax

There will always be

someone else. This will

not be the end. He is

not the only option.

Maybe he's not the

Answer.

Boys vs. Men (dedicated to The Matt Berry)

Boys are cute.

And sweet.

I enjoy them.

Men are attractive.

And...good...

I LOVE THEM.

But the iffies...

...should go away.

Untitled #1

Epiphany.

Alright! alright!

Yes, I get it,

now...

I don't like it.

In fact, I'm

scared to death.

But I know

what I need

to do.

I just wish

that I knew how

all of this

was gonna turn out...

My love,

or my LIFE?

But love is life!

Well, I shouldn't fret.

Just try to forget.

Until the decision is

HERE.

But the decision's not

mine to make,

anyway.

Magic, but REAL

I reach into my

treasure box,

and bring back out

a license.

A license to perform

MAGIC

within the designated areas.

Some places are forbidden.

Magic there

is not so magical.

Magicians there

have another name.

In this place,

they call them outlaws.

Their magic is not

appreciated.

Burned at the stake

for their craft.

Being so bold

as to make their feelings known.

OFFENDING

with such a

simple thing

as a pen and paper.

They

killed us.

Stone-cold

dead.

They

stifled

our cries.

They silenced our voices.

We were too verbose.

We were only

a nuisance.

I hate the

unsightly,

unmagical realm.

A poet

should create

poetry.

A dreamer should dream.

A lover should love.

A teacher should teach.
A fish should swim.

A bird should FLY!

SO WHY CAN'T I?

A world filled with magic

opens all kinds of minds.

Impossible

does not exist.

The world is yours

to change or escape.

And the choice is entirely

left up to you.

Make it.

About Yesterday...

The theme for today is

Confusion.

'Cause all the answers have

fallen asleep...

Try back again

tomorrow.

Pathetically Victorious

It's starting!

I've come to recognize

the signs.

She may not even

make it through

the night.

She's losing interest.

Her brand new toy

isn't really as shiny

or colorful

or even as new

as she thought.

What can I say?

Fate can't be fought.

SO MUCH MORE

Every time

we talk,

I realize you don't

understand.

And you don't

want to.

You just stay lost

in your mindlessness.

Your own

little daydream.

Only half way.

Half way in love?

Oh no.

Half way in like.

You've got a little

crush.

How quaint.

You're a scared

little girl.

Won't say "I care."

But you do.

I know.

You won't admit,

but still I'm sure.

You care

every bit as much

as I do.

But you see power

in disregard.

Emotion is silly.

You're too strong.

And you

won't change.

Won't be

weak

like me.

Cheesy Grin!!

And now I fill

this space with

words. They don't really

count for anything, except

to fill the space. I love words

like this. Written on a lazy day.

Written in a lazy way. Getting ready

for he rest of today. But first, I'll

write the day away, and in a happy way.

Untitled 7

And should he choose

to go,

leaving me all

alone,

Well that's just the way

life goes.

Untitled 6

Today,

I saw him at his worst.

But I'm still

CRAZY

about him.

Because even at his worst,

he's still better than

EVERYONE else.

And that's why

he is mine.

I wish.

Untitled 5

Please

stop

making

me

hate

you.

Confidence

I wander

through the silliness

of Life.

Blissful.

Endlessly

Enjoyable.

Framed by people

that I love.

Directed by people

that I respect.

Lovingly, Respectfully

mine.

My life.

I am in charge.

You can't take me down.

I wear the crown.

The Possible End (Sorry, this one swears.)

A dog.

A tree.

A boy.

A girl.

I pass by all.

Ignore the calls

for me.

I have only

one purpose.

One reason

to leave

my cocoon.

It's his time.

Either he stays

or he gets the Hell out.

But I won't play

his game

anymore.

Unsettling

Am I wasting

my time?

Waiting for you...

Will you never

come around?

I've bet it all

on you.

Nothing else

makes me feel

much of anything...

I've been sitting here

for such a

long time.

Just waiting

and watching.

Girl after girl.

Time passes and passes...

and keeps right on going.

Have I wasted my heart

on someone

who will

never care?

You With Me

I lived life

like a daydream

in fast forward.

Sweet and satisfying...

Too good

to be true.

Unappreciative

of what I had.

It was over

too fast.

"Don't know

what a good thing

you have

until

it's gone."

It's Your TURN

I've done my share

of crying over you.

It's about time you

shed a tear or two.

I've done my share

of coming back.

It's about time

you chased me.

I've done enough

forgiving

when you don't

even care.

Stop messing up!

Be aware!

I've said,

"I love you."

It's your turn.

Or choose to watch me

walk away.

Unpleasant Change

If I had waited

even a week

to tell you

what I did,

Would it have made

a difference?

Would you have done

what you did?

Would you have acted

so cold

and distant?

Would you have

hurt me

for the attention

of that other girl?

How different

would things be

now?

Untitled 4

There are those

who don't agree.

But they don't know

our history.

They don't understand

how much you mean

to me.

And, hopefully,

I mean something

to you, too.

We've been through much.

Of course we act stupid.

Thoughtless. Careless.

It's all part of the act.

But the truth is

that love

does not come easily

to me.

Except when it comes

to being in love with you.

That takes no effort.

You break through

my cloudy sky.

You clear it all up.

"Oh! Now I see!"

Life makes sense

when you're with me.

A Couple Days

Sometimes

I love you.

With all of

my soul.

Like today

when it seemed

like I

was the only thing

that mattered

at all.

But yesterday,

I didn't love you.

Not even

at all.

You made me feel

so unimportant.

Up until the very end.

So, yes. I got up

and left.

I wanted to hurt you.

So I left instead.

You could've made me cry.

But I left soon enough.

I seemed so tough!

Love: My Fickle Friend

Eyes: Brown.

Then green.

A whirlpool

of rainforest.

Worlds of color.

Loads of Life.

You are your eyes.

Exciting and lovely.

Beautiful and deep.

Warm. Inviting.

You make me feel at home.

At peace.

I am safe in your arms.

I do not want

while I'm with you.

Can you please

hold onto me

forever?

I Can't Find Me

Is that me?

Smiling like summer,

looking like summer,

dancing on a summer day?

Did I used to

go out to play?

Was that girl once me?

Did I used to be so

warm?

happy?

young?

carefree?

Where did that girl go?

That's not me.

Hair piled up

so high

on my head.

Eyes buried

deep

under layers

of eye goop.

Sparkly and pink.

Of all colors, PINK!!

Smiling right there.

Wishing I was

some place else...

That girl is not me.

(Explanation: Pictures)

Creepy Little Me

Someone's just

entered the room.

They came in slowly.

they demanded no

attention.

Except for mine.

I did not turn around,

but I know

it was you.

You walked into this room.

You're sitting right behind me now.

You don't have to talk

or even breathe.

My heart still speeds

and skips a beat

at the thought of you

so close to me.

Did you notice

that I'm right here?

Did you see me?

I notice you...

...every single day.

You've just gotten closer.

Did you lean forward?

Yes, I think you did.

Whispered, in my ear:

"Is the seat next to you taken?"

My life's been made.

Untitled 3

A single tear

I've shed for you.

In all this crap

that we've been through,

I've never let a single one

escape, despite your wicked tongue.

I held it in.

I've played it tough.

But my act is brittle.

The game is rough.

I'm just a mush

when stripped to my core.

There's nothing tough about me.

Not anymore.

I fall apart

when it comes to you.

You leave me hurting.

You make me blue.

Just like you.

My tears have been safe so far.

Except for one.

Are you happy now?

Random Thought

No matter

what we

intend, our

actions will

always say

something entirely

different.

Love's Lady

We were prisoners.

Our prison had no walls.

We were unwilling to follow.

No one was forcing us.

Our heads high and proud,

we walked toward our

fate

destiny

future

leaving unpleasant years

back a ways

with all our fears.

Refusing to submit.

Choosing who we think would fit.

Accepting no suggestions.

We destroyed our prison.

It fell.

A silent victory.

We were our own Saviors.

And in the end,

we kept on doing

what we'd done inside that prison.

We knew no other way.

Save the change for another day.

I Do Not Deserve

You do so much.

More than anyone else.

You gave yourself to me.

You love me so much.

And you beg me

to love you back.

You care for me.

You hate each tear that falls from my eyes.

Yet you cannot hate

any person.

You can't dislike the cause

of the tears.

When I am sad,

your heart breaks for me.

You have felt my sorrow.

My pitiful life is in your hands.

I am your creation.

I am ungrateful for all you give.

I even cause you pain.

How do you still love me?

You know I'll mess up again.

Yet you do not stop hoping.

I am lower than the dust.

I take up more space

than I am worthy of.

I am less than ordinary.

You are incredible, and glorious.

Lord, I do not deserve.

Unoriginal Thoughts

I'm not very good

at making things up.

I must have

inspiration.

Not a single thought

that enters my head

is entirely my own.

I cheat and copy others.

I dream and scheme

and lie.

And I get all the

credit.

Praise I don't deserve.

But I get in trouble

when I argue...

What purpose can I serve?

Not-Sad Poem

My back hurts.

My sister wants

to sleep.

The constant

going of my pen

keeps her awake.

She complains.

I laugh.

And keep on writing.

Kailey's Star

Once,

in a time

not so long ago,

there was a grand ball

in Heaven.

The stars were alight,

celebrating the start

of a new autumn.

Big news arrived

from Creation himself.

One star must leave.

"She will depart tonight.

She must reach Earth by

tomorrow's first light."

Each star twinkled.

Every glow dimmed

for just a moment.

But one particular star

didn't flicker at all.

In fact,

her flame remained

unordinarily...

strong.

She glowed even

brighter

than she ever had before.

Excited for the journey

that might lay in store.

"Kailey Azure Green."

She soared to the ceiling!

She knew it was her time

to meet Earth at last.

Creation smiled as she let her joy explode

around her.

And her form changed.

Her being shifted.

She became so much

more beautiful

than a raw collection of fire.

But she was still light.

She was tamed, controlled.

Reflecting light.

She sparkled,

but it was different now.

Deep, rich color;

a blue and green hue.

She was a new stone.

An Azure Gem.

She noticed the glows of her dearest friends.

Dim. Dull.

"Why?" she wondered.

"We'll meet again!"

Her worries soon left.

"Prepare for what's next,"

her caring Maker explained.

"Your life, your light,

is needed on Earth.

Someone there will struggle

without you."

She gathered all she would need

for her new life.

She packed all her talents

and dreams with care.

She looked through

Heaven's expansive windows.

A smile lit up her new world.

She was pleased with

what she saw.

Creation approached.

Expectant.

He knew.

A tearful eye

watched her go.

A heavy heart

bestowed its love.

A gentle hand

plucked her out of the sky,

and sent her swiftly to Earth.

She landed with grace.

Dancing from the start.

Earth leapt at its latest

Acquisition.

But the stars hid,

flew behind the clouds.

Heaven mourned the loss

of such a gem.

Care Like Me

I can't just

move on

from you.

Believe me,

I've tried.

I can't just forget about you.

Others distract

from you,

but once they leave,

it's all about you

once again.

Center Stage

in my thoughts.

You occupy my

mental spotlight.

All eyes are on you.

Waiting for you to move.

The show is over.

The curtain falls,

you leave.

Without applause.

Without payment...

You don't even care

about the hearts

you stole.

What Have I Done?

Everything I worked for,

all that I built up,

every time we worked together,

all that work is crumbling now.

We were so happy.

So strong.

So alive

for so long.

Every time we get it right,

it disappears.

Someone messes it up.

It happens so fast.

Blink,

and you'll miss it.

We're sad now.

Pretending.

But the facade

is paper thin.

It won't take long

for the damage

to set in.

What did I say?!

I take it back!

Please, forget it.

Please, come back...

Don't you dare

just walk away

from us.

You are exhausting me.

That's probably what you want.

Love--WHAT?!

Let's try this

One more time.

I'll say,

"I love you."

You won't run and hide.

You don't need to

sweep me

off my feet.

Or even say,

"I love you, too."

Just stay.

Don't run. Don't leave.

Remind me:

Is there life

after death?

A dying heart

can beat again?

Be my friend.

That's it.

Happy end.

Ache Like Insanity

Leave me alone.

Get out of here.

I want to be

alone.

No one's infirmity

is a challenge to them

like this is to me.

No one else has

trouble

being alone

inside their own head.

Death and disaster

battle with

love and life.

A disease that

I cannot cure.

I have tried.

I am scared.

I will always be unsure.

Of that much I am certain.

What Do You Think?

You must not know

the reality of emotions.

You must not understand

the toll they can take.

Or maybe you do.

You must not care

about the people you hurt.

You must not want to know

the lives you touch.

Or maybe you do.

Is it all simply impulse?

Do you just kiss and tell?

Is no one ever safe

from Love's Expanding Hell?

When will I learn?

Pictures cannot depict,

nor words accurately describe,

the feelings felt

by fools like me.

A pit in the stomach?

An endless pit?

An endlessly nausea-inducing pit?

NO WORDS FIT!

I quit...

Untitled 2

He

has

taken

all of my

WORDS.

give them back...

Someone is Singing

A short distance away.

A reflection of inside.

My thoughts.

But it sounds like you.

It is a ballad.

Soft and low.

Sad and slow.

A memory.

Bitter and ugly.

Beautifully sad and mourning.

Listen to it.

This soul-lifting song.

Does it sound the same to you?

A gentle beckoning.

A tickle at the heart.

A tugging at some emotion...

Deeply buried, long forgotten.

Calling-- for me, for you...

I can't tell who.

Eager-- I chase. For you?

To solve the mystery.

But I hesitate.

I should be hesitant.

What awaits?

Roses, and melodies?

A bush of thorns?

Only you can decide.

This is your dream.

I'm just along for the ride.

Don't Kid Yourself

Will you ever like anyone else?

-No.

Have you felt this way about others before?

-No.

Can you see yourself feeling this way again?

-Not at all.

Is he your friend?

-The best.

Will he ever not be your friend?

-No.

Do you...love him?

-Yes.

Tell him.

-Kay.

Untitled the Poem

And then again

a poem or two

I will write

just for you.

So many thoughts

all of you.

A broken heart--

Healed, through and through.

We'll stick again,

stuck like glue.

For once again,

I'm stuck on you.

Lil' Miss Nobody

I'm Nobody's friend.

This friendship

is a lonely one.

Where can I go

to escape his

despairing gaze?

He follows me

everywhere.

Reminds me

that I am alone.

"Never ever ever forget."

I won't.

I see the laughter

in the eyes of others.

Why can't I

feel as they?

Why must I

waste away?

Without a friend

to my name...

Today is not my day.

A Healing Gash

You've killed me.

Disregarding my love.

This heart takes time to heal.

You drove exactly

four daggers

into my chest.

~You did not pardon yourself.~

You cannot ever possibly understand

how you make me feel!!

To you, it means nothing.

"It isn't a big deal."

But it is to me.

Where are you when I actually need you?

TIME PASSES

A little time was all we needed.

A brief separation.

All is right!

You finally get it.

How deeply I care.

Impossibly, you understand.

Might this work?

You love me.

You've made an interesting

...proposal...

How can I refuse?

No one could hurt me more.

No one can heal me more thoroughly.

Muscles must tear

in order to become stronger.

The heart is a muscle.

Potentially,

the strongest of them all.

My heart has been shredded to peices.

And in allowing myself to hurt,

I've learned to love with more strength.

Untitled

Memories

make me cry.

Longing for another time.

A time distantly past,

just out of reach.

Pull at my memory,

sticking pins in my

already slowing heart.

Remembering when love

was present.

A time when life was neon

orange or yellow or green.

No amount of reaching

can bring it back.

My hand is outstretched,

but it's buried too deep.

Nothing will transport me

to that one summer,

when I was happy.

You can never return

to a moment

when you were truly

happy.

Once Fear Fails

We poor, fragile people.

Us, the superior race.

Having no greater fear

than a man and his gun.

Measuring a man

by how far he can run,

how fast he is,

how clever, how large...

"I'm the most scared of HIM."

So he's the greatest by far.

What were to happen if ONE

could stand alone?

Needing no friends.

Needing no home.

When they cannot be influenced

by fear alone.

When intimidation bears no threat.

If one solitary person

didn't seek a comparison

to everyone else.

Would they be the greatest of all?

What if fear were to fail?

Come Here, Camera!!

Explosion! Gunshot!

Truck. Bump.

Rainbows in the street?!

Or do my eyes deceive?

A trick of the dark morning

and recycling

floating, flying on the wind.

Paper--confetti!!

Land fill?

Tsk.

Art! Life!

Real and living.

Colorful, and whimsy.

Poetic, lacking words.

Magic passes me by

on its way

to the dump.

Precious keepsakes--

Someone threw it away?!

--in blue and yellow.

And red.

And white.

And gray.

And orange.

My eventful morning.

My color class.

I Hate the World Today

Swollen just below my ribs.

Abrupt denial of what I wish.

Upset, my stomach flips.

Back and Forth.

Belly Flops.

It's hard to sing.

Instead, I dream

of a day when this all will

be better.

Hurt, wishing, waiting for wishes

to come true.

Time passes.

No dice.

good

I have happiness

in myself.

A tickle below my sternum.

A tingle in the air.

Everything makes me smile.

I think I'll stay this way.

At least for a little while.

I'll Show You Reality

Show me a beautiful girl.

I'll show you lies, deception,

and a thousand parlor tricks.

Show me a happy man.

I'll show you his mask.

Show me a world that's carefree and bright.

I'll show you the hoards of unhappy people

hidden underground.

Show me your world--I'll show you the truth.

Photograph

Light.

Writing.

A story with color.

A trick of the light.

Published on paper.

Permanently.

Light: A gift.

Capturing time,

a memory to savor.

A thousand words,

but better.

It never ceases to speak.

Are You There?

Are you there?

I think you are.

Maybe if I

search a while more.

I can feel you.

You come and go.

Perhaps I'll search

a little bit deeper.

Did I see you?

Perhaps I missed you.

I'll just search

again.

You and Me

Sometimes, I think

maybe you don't

belong with me.

I know that I

belong with you,

but that isn't the same thing.

Who could love you

more than I do?

No one comes to mind.

But maybe you

can think of a few.

Maybe...you love

others more.

Well, that's really okay with me.

As long as that's what makes you happy.

Just be honest...

Do you still love me?

...do I still love you?

Worries

It's silly,

I know,

to worry about

you.

So, I try not to,

But it happens anyway.

I know I'm not

the best choice

for you.

I realize that.

I understand.

So...just keep on

ignoring.

It only makes me a little sad.

Poetry

Words flit about

like a million

beautiful

butterflies.

I catch them in my net,

and stick them to my paper.

They make a pretty

picture.

Oh, look at me.

Aren't I poetic?

"This Class"

-is dumb.

-is long.

-smells bad.

~Complaint~

What time do we get out of-

Why should I go to-

~Complaint~

*Insert Clever Ending Here*

Unfrienemy

Once, we were strangers.

But that time is past.

We used to have

common interests,

but not anymore.

Do we hate?

Should we love?

May I please just...

...Not care?

That Was Weird

A growl.

And unexpected explosion

dammed by the

opposite--

imploding.

Instead of squelching the

unpleasant,

time freezes.

And all returns to normal.

But first,

a brief moment of pain.

Another growl.

Today's Torture

Sound rushes to the surface.

Forces

to bursting point.

Busting at the seams.

I.

MUST.

SING!!!

The music

speaks.

I'm moved.

I need to react.

But I can't.

I am still.

My insides are angry.

They push at my voice.

Willing it to work.

Without my permission,

Sound Erupts.

I quickly cease

to enjoy.

Listening is torture.

But I'd rather be tortured,

than not be here to hear.

HAIKUUUUUUUS!!!!!

Written on a Bus:

The Cheesburger Chips

taste like a real cheeseburger.

They are surreal! Yum!

In a Smelly Classroom:

The boys keep talking.

Simply unwilling to cease.

It gets on my nerves.

Desk:

Ideas float by.

I scramble; try to catch them.

Slips through my fingers.

Before Lunch:

My stomach aches lots.

I wish lunchtime would come soon.

I want out of here!

The Way You Make Me Feel

Expressive:

I can say anything.

You understand.

You still love me.

In Love:

You know. :)

You light up a day

with your happiness.

You shake things up

when you're upset.

The world follows emotion.

Your emotion.

Life feels as you do.

Aren't you important. :)

The Inaudible Sounds

The silentest silence

that I have ever heard.

No one moved.

No one breathed.

We were

barely

living.

Patience.

Uneasiness.

Anticipating heartache.

Exhausted,

we waited.

For what?

Oh, to wait some more.

At last, the door knob moved.

At last, a little sound.

Each breath was caught,

we all sat up.

Our hearts beat louder

than the entrance itself.

"Good news,"

he said.

"Good news.

You all can breathe again."

My Life Flows On

I grieve.

I sing.

I smile.

I sing.

I get angry.

I sing.

I misunderstand.

I sing.

I cry.

I sing.

I wish.

I sing.

I hear.

I sing.

I hurt.

I sing.

I fall in love.

I sing.

I hate.

I sing.

I love.

I sing.

I live.

I sing.

I sing.

Stupid Little Me

Why do I explain myself?

Why do I even care?

Why is your opinion

the one I need to hear?

I've sworn you off.

I won't ask anymore.

I don't want you around.

But you stay.

Always.

And you pester

and whine.

Until I can't

ignore.

You beg for my attention.

And I always comply.

Why?

What Boy?

Must there always be a boy?

You think you know,

don't you?

You think that you can guess

what's happening inside me?

Must I always have a secret?

Do you always have to guess?

Please, stop trying!

Please!

Stop!

You'll never really know.

You don't understand me

as well as you think.

You aren't so perfect

as everyone believes.

And just to ease your anguish,

to rest your oh, so troubled mind,

Yes.

There is a boy.

And yes,

We're just fine.

Let it Go

Why would you do that?

What gives you license

to hurt us all

and take what we love,

just so you can be a victim?

You accept no apologies.

You don't want a resolution.

You want problems.

You want us to hate you.

Why?

Well, I won't

hate you.

I won't give you

the satisfaction.

I love you.

Deal with it.

Overreaction = Ovaries

The thing I love,

tainted.

Really,

of all the things to taint,

why must you choose that?

No good

came of that

emotional explosion.

Now all is just-

feces.

Everyone-

upset.

Feelings-

bruised.

Do you enjoy

unpleasant reactions?

Do you want

to have no friends?

Is that your goal?

You're well on your way.

Congratulations.

You're killing us.

And Then I Won the Lottery

Boy

he is.

And mine.

Laughter

colors

my life.

It is the

brightest

yellow!

My soul's

alight.

My brain's

on fire.

I can't see the justice

of one person

forcing me

into such

instantaneous

(lasting and lovely)

bliss.

It's not fair.

But I'm selfish.

So I allow it.

The Hollow Race

We were builders,

strong and respected.

We created

and made things better.

We made improvements,

but forgot about ourselves.

We were so concentrated

on our craft,

constructing the next

sky scraper,

we weren't even filling

us.

We emptied our souls

with our work.

We were empty.

And while that made us lighter,

we were still just hollow,

substance-less.

Completely non-substantial.

Our work was beautiful,

Because it was a total reflection of

us.

But can you still live

if you have nothing left to give?

Why Theatre is Loved By Me

Director-

"That's good."

For the Actor-

Death.

We must try

to make it resurrect.

Sometimes it works.

And the result

is beautiful.

Impossible.

Magical.

Sometimes we fail.

The result is horrific.

A Mass of dancing Corpses.

Not alive- not conscious.

But animated.

And disgusting.

A mindless

puppet show.

"[But all of us]

must die a bit

before we grow again."

-The Fantasticks

She and I and Words

Words Words Words

I love them.

She does too.

But much much more.

And the thing about her is,

Words actually love her back.

She speaks with her pen.

The words comply.

Words Words Words.

She is a Word Wonder.

I feel the words.

I bend and twist

around them.

Trying to find

a fitting space.

She knows the words.

They bend-

and twist-

for her.

Spaghetti and Meatballs

Once

there was

this girl.

And she was beautiful.

And so was he.

She was little

and saucy.

He was tall

and gangly.

A classic couple.

Imperfect people.

Perfect for each other.

But he was dumb.

He was very unsure.

He needed some time

to figure things out.

She was patient.

She waited...

And kept on waiting.

"He'll come around."

He did.

And the sun decided to rise.

Spicy-Sweet

Warmth.

Milk chocolate

A bubbling river - summer.

Diversely - humorously

short.

If ya know what I mean.

If you don't...

Well, I won't explain.

Beauty Personified.

Enrapturing.

Captivating.

Alluring.

Special.

An Amber Gem.

Josefina Angelica Claire

Cheerful Unstranger

Sweet.

Vanilla icing.

Tart.

Warhead candies.

Understanding.

A glass wall.

Relaxed.

A ribbon in a whirlwind.

Happy.

A pink bouquet - roses.

Lovely.

Pink silk, white fringe-

a ball gown. Wedding dress...

Loving.

Emily Margaret

Dandelions, daisies

dancing in the wind.

An acrylic masterpiece

on an old, rusty

hub cap.

Beautiful,

Over-looked.

Important,

Soft-spoken.

Contrastingly

simple.

Dexterius

Deals

Though Tragedies

might occur,

he maintains

strength.

His days

fluxuate:

Weak - Strong.

But he knows.

He deals.

Energetic

Lilting

jolting

staccato emotion.

He is constantly

in Motion.

His love,

and his passion

command.

X marks the Spot.

He finds what

he wants.

His desires are clear.

He searches, finds,

wins.

Tease

He does nothing else.

Others' pleasure

gives him joy.

Their honest pain

hurts him.

He is fun,

and serious.

A tease.

Exuberant

He has a glow.

A visible aura.

It ebbs and flows.

His happiness goes.

His joy is his shadow.

Rambunctious

Mischievous

Silly.

Scaling mountains,

and volcanoes,

to save his other

converse shoe.

He is suave,

cool.

Completely ridiculous.

Dexter Cornelius

Malfunction

Broken--

nearly

Breaking--

bit by bit.

Wincing.

Stumbling.

Falling.

Crawling

Wanting

Wishing.

Writing

all my issues.

Because that's

easier.

"Just deal."

"No."

"Just...chill."

"Can't."

Who could possibly fix this?

A Boy

Some are blue

Some green

Every once in a while

I meet a purple

My fleeting companions

become a rainbow

Each has a color

specific to them

Given by me

But you are different

Special

I can't quite figure it out

I just can't seem

to color you

No colors

seem to stick

But I hang on

You are intriguing

My own

unique

lovely

colorless friend

You are mine

Even if I don't quite understand

The End

An Early End

tha-rump

A heart

bump bum

Beating

boom

Too slow

chug thud

tha-rump

The doctor

bump bum

Scrambles

boom

About

chug thud

tha-rump

Desperate

bump bum

To speed

boom

This pulse

chug thud

Pulse slows.

Tears drip.

Life fades.

tha-rump

He hears

bump bum

His own daughter's

boom

Final

Chug thud

The End Comes.

Always Too Early.

Le Fantasticks!

I sit and wait.

Energy, not blood, pulsing through my veins.

A jittery, imperceptibly vibratory feeling.

Like that awful empty feeling right before you throw up.

Like I've grown wings,

And I'm waiting for my first flying lesson.

Just longing to soar above the clouds...

Above the world.

Like someone drained a scalding cup of soup

Down my throat.

It doesn't want to stay in my stomach.

And it doesn't want to come into my mouth.

So it's just resting in between.

Remaining scalding hot.

Like and overly hyperactive child

Has captured their energy

In a bottle,

And released it

Into my chest.

Like an unignorable desire to cry

And laugh,

And die,

And jump,

And sing

All at once.

My turn is next.

Anticipation.

This One Time...

Sometimes things happen

Sometimes things change

Sometimes things can never go back again,

But only sometimes.

Sometimes you live

Sometimes you die

Sometimes you're lucky to make it out alive,

But only sometimes.

Sometimes we dream

Sometimes dreams die

Sometimes you get exactly what you asked for,

But only sometimes.

Sometimes you win

Sometimes you lose

Sometimes you fall and get a big ugly bruise,

But only sometimes.

Sometimes we're forced to live with regret,

But Only Sometimes

Hey There.

So. This is my first time, uh... doin this sort of thing. So. Yeah. Enjoy? And don't judge...