The Heart of the Matter

(Disclaimer: This particular poem is VERY difficult for me to post. So... Be nice.)

I miss the days before we

made this complicated.

I miss the boy who would blush

at the mention of my name.

Back when holding hands was

a big deal, because you never knew

who was watching or what they

might think.

I miss the girl with stars

in her eyes, and the Son

in her dreams.

When kissing you was still a fantasy,

and your mom didn't know my name yet.

I could write about you

forever.

Until my hand fell off

and all my fingers ran away,

screaming.

And they would all know

your name by touch.

But I've already written enough

to embarrass us both.

I just want you to

know...

I miss it too.

But... I miss it more than you.

Cuz you've got alternative solutions.

I only have you.

You, and a wish, that I

could stop being so desperately in love

with you.

Stop caring so much.

I wish that I was strong enough

to admit that you're not good for me.

You're not good to me, and I know it.

You build up a mountain,

construct me your monument,

and then you set me on the edge of a

cliff, and let me fall.

Rain softens the dust into mud,

but that doesn't cushion the blow.

I still fall five hundred feet

and then hit

rock bottom.

Hard.

Shattering into one thousand pieces

Left to wonder,

"How in the hell did I not see that cliff before I fell?"

You do it all the time,

and it's always the same.

And I'm always crushed.

Cuz I think, "This time it'll be different."

But we're so perfect for eachother.

And I don't know when to stop.

So I just let you drop me like a rock.

And then I convince myself that

it's my fault, and I actually

feel bad about it.

But I know that you really do care.

So I let you do it all over again...